What do I know? I know that you don't like vegetables or soup. You won't eat teddy grahms or peeps because they're too cute. I know that if I run my fingertips up your back you'll shudder. I know that you're more talented than anyone I've ever met and more talented than most of the bands I've heard. I know that you're the only person who can push the right buttons and make me melt into a puddle. I know that you're the only person who can make me feel like a princess and a whore at the same time. I know that your arms fit me perfectly. I know that when you used to hold my hand you held it like you never wanted to let go. I know that the only thing better than falling asleep in your arms is watching you fall asleep in mine. I know that the sweetest sound I've ever heard was you whispering in my ear. I know that no matter how you've treated me in the past all you have to do is look at me with those sweet green eyes and kiss my neck and I'll do anything you want me to. I know that the only time the world makes sense is when I'm with you. I know that I'd give up my life for you if it meant you'd never feel any pain or sadness for the rest of your life. I know that I'd leave my friends, family, school, my whole life if you wanted me to run away with you. I know that you're the only person that can break down my walls. I know that you think it's hilarious that your grandmother calls garbage 'rubbish'. I know that you love Led Zeppelin but hate when people wear Led Zeppelin shirts because most of them don't even know or care who they are. I know that even though I usually break first, you can't resist me. I know that I'd rather have a tumultuous confusing relationship with you than a happy safe relationship with anyone else. I know you hate your mom's dogs and you're convinced that your dog was stolen by your neighbor. I know that when you put your hands on my waist it sets every nerve in my body on fire. Most importantly I know that you're the only boy I've ever loved and I'll love you my entire life whether I get to spend it with you or not.

I figured it out. Why I love you so much and why I hate myself for it. I really am disgusted at how I let you treat me. Last time we broke up it cut me deep, I didn't get over you for a long time. I cried myself to sleep for well over 2 months. You ripped my heart out and left me empty. True, I moved along to other things, other people, but you were always there. You were hiding in the hole where my heart used to be. You put me through hell and then just when I was getting used to being without you, you decide that you want to see me again. You get close to me, you let me kiss you, you kiss me back and pretend that it means something to you. You let me start loving you again and for a while things are good, you tell me that the world makes sense now and things feel right. Damn, I just can't resist those beautiful lies, so I believe you and I let my guard down. Bad idea, just when I get brave enough to trust you with things I can't tell anyone else you run away. You can't be with someone so far away. I'm too damaged, you can't fix me so why waste anymore time on me. So you stop caring altogether. I accept that you won't be mine, I try to be just your friend but, everytime I talk to you you act like I'm keeping you from so much more important things. So I stop talking. I think of you and sit silent. And that's when it happens. . . inspiration. I write. And that's why I can love you and hate you at the same time. I hate you because of what you put me through, and I love you becuase what you put me through gives me the insight to create. You're my muse. Anything I've ever created that was worth being created was inspired by you. So, I'm going to keep loving, you'll never be able to stop that. And when I write my first play/novel/book of poetry I'll make sure to send you the very first copy, make sure you read the dedication, "To my beloved muse, thank you for shattering my heart and letting what was inside of me out"